you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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