The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
