Screwed.edu
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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