she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
