If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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