I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
