Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
