After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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