You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
