smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
