I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
should my penis look like a turkey
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
