Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
