I'm going to jail i love you
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
