you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
