and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
