We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
