god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
