I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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