i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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