I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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