sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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