he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
