just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
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He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
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Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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