i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
