I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
