im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
