Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
