Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
