TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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