my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
