Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
