When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she told me i tasted like america
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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