Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
