one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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