I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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