Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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