Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
