i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize