Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
