lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
