I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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