I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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