I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just gift wrapped bread.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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