Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Say something about gay babies.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just want nice things and good sex
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
