I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
