yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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