so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
