we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
