The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
