I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
