um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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