So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
