omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
