I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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