My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
