Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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