All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
