Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm sobbing to NWA
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
