"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The air was thick with penises
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
