Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
