My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
