I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Life is so much better after having sex.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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