WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Randomize
